The Hot Mess Express: 3 Ways to Survive When Life Sucks.
Life sucks sometimes.
There I said it. And I’m the expert. I experienced a hellfire rain of bad fucking luck this year. Has that ever happened to you, it’s like no matter how hard you try, how good you act, how nice, hardworking, responsible, you are, nothing, and I mean nothing, goes your way? I’ve talked before about keeping it together or rather trying to. But it had seemed the past 6 months that the harder I try, the worse things get. Like how much bad luck can one girl have???
So what the fuck are you supposed to do when shit gets bad and life just sucks?
I’ve been seeing all these motivational quotes about not letting life get you down. And how everything happens for a reason. And how you can control things but can control how you react. And I realized that as trite as it may be, that was totally true. I could stay miserable and cry myself to sleep every night or I could pick myself up again for the millionth time and get it to-fucking-gether. How though??
I figured I needed to do something to turn this shit storm around as I had started becoming cynical, and adopted a shit sucks, life sucks, everything sucks attitude. I just didn’t want to do it anymore but I didn’t know what to do. For a while, I justed wanted to give up and let go and stop trying. However, in the wonderful words of Shawn Mendes, it isn’t in my blood. I just can’t. I’m not the girl that gives up. I’m not the girl who surrenders to shitty circumstance. I’m the girl that stands up and says I won’t give up or back down, I will keep fighting to survive and somehow overcome sucky circumstances.
Let me tell you about how you get it together when life sucks and you actually feel miserable.
1. Choose Positivity.
It is so easy when life sucks to want to give in to the negativity. Life keeps kicking you when you’re down and all you can feel is fear, anger, despair, distress, depression. It’s hard to overcome those things and honestly being a little down after repeated hardship is natural. So feel what you are feeling, just don’t unpack and live there. I literally had to make a conscious decision that I was not going to stay down even though life was working hard to keep me down. I made an everyday choice to remain positive. I reminded myself that things were going to get better. They always get better. You’ve probably heard, fake it til you make it. Eventually, you won’t be faking it anymore.
2. Ask for help.
I’ve been super sentimental and totally weird after the accident. Life has been all about change for me over the last two years. That’s how long it’s been since The X and I separated and life, as I had planned it forever, was now never going to be the same again. So the last two years following my separation was so different than the previous six. I was partly trying to date and not die from devastation. Part trying to reconcile my marriage. Mostly just trying to survive. I learned that first year to ask for help.
I asked for help from my dad financially during the first few months after our separation and help from him with manly tasks I just couldn’t get done alone. I asked for help from my mom yard work, cleaning, and general emotional support. I asked for help from my team at work when I couldn’t do it all. It is humbling to ask for help. Most of us don’t want to. We feel too much pride. But that’s not how life should be. We should be able to ask for help when we need it. It prevents burnout. It eases the soul from the burden. We have relationships, family, friends, lovers, so we don’t have to be alone. But then sometimes instead decide to do everything “on our own”. I encourage you not to try. Doing everything on your own leads to stress, anxiety, and isolation. Do it. Ask for help. Maybe something small if asking for help stress you out. It’s okay to ask for help and it honestly is the fastest and easiest way to ease your overwhelm. Your community (friends, family, colleagues) is larger than you know.
3. Take care of yourself.
Exercise. Eat right. Practice self-care. Get some sleep. I find in myself that my emotions as exasperated when I am not taking good care of myself or I’m not getting enough sleep. You know those days when everything is pissing you off or you feel like crying when the copy paper jams? Take a look at your self-care and reevaluate. Run a relaxing bath, add some Lavender oil and bubbles. Go to sleep an hour earlier. Turn your phone on silent. Binge watch your favorite show. Take the dog for a walk. Or snuggle your pet, your kids, your boyfriend. Turn the music up loud and have a dance party in your kitchen. Go shopping and buy something just for you. Buy yourself a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Play Candy Crush (or another game). Color! Coloring is super trendy these days, even as an adult. I’m serious it works. All of the above are some of my favorite ways to celebrate a little me time and decompress when I feel so overwhelmed. You are allowed to take care of yourself and do what you need to feel better. Recharge your batteries with self-care, then take another tackle at your life the next day. You’ll be amazed at the change.
Bonus #4 – See a therapist or counselor.
If you follow my story at all you will know that I believe in this wholeheartedly. There is no shame in seeking help to talk with someone. Life is overwhelming at times and it is 100% okay to say so. It is incredibly beneficial to reach out to someone and an unbiased third party is often the answer. I credit a lot of my mental health and recovery from trauma to my therapist.
#treatyoself